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1/7/2013 – I’m Not a Hero or an Angel (Rescue Me)

January 7, 2013

1-7-2-1013

There have been some people in my life who have called me their personal hero and/or an angel. Those things are very flattering and it does make me feel good if I’ve made a difference in someone’s life. The problem with being thought of as “hero” or an “angel” is that sort of thinking tends to give the impression that a “hero/angel” doesn’t need to be saved. I’m not a hero, because I need to be rescued. I Seriously just plain need to be rescued. I fell down went boom a long time ago. There have been kind people who’ve contacted me to offer me encouragement, prayed for me, sent vibes to the Universe for me, helped me a little with money and all sorts of good stuff. Those things are appreciated and there should be no doubt about that.

From my perspective, however, sometimes I feel like people are really saying, “Wow, bravo for taking such a beating so well.” I wouldn’t wish my life on my worst enemy. I didn’t take the beating anywhere near as well as most might believe. I, therefore, am not a “hero” or an “angel”. I’ve been trying to recover from so much, there just isn’t any reality in thinking that I haven’t been beaten into the ground so badly at this point that I can barely even find the strength or will to get out of bed. These days, I hardly care if I live.

I needed a Dr. Phil-sized rescue about a year ago. Okay, probably long before then actually.

I’m no hero. I’m one little person who couldn’t handle almost any of things that have happened in my life, so no more thinking I’m an angel out there okay. Encouraging words simply won’t stop my ship from sinking, because my ship has been at the bottom of the proverbial ocean for quite some time.

There is a lot of content on this blog that will be removed at some point. I almost deleted all the content on both blogs this morning, but for right now, I won’t do something that rash. I crashed and burned and have needed a hero for several years, so the state of my blogs aren’t my primary concern anymore. That may change, but for now, I’m just good with having the strenght to get out of bed and eat my single, daily peanut and jelly sandwich.

I suppose reading all that is a harsh reality and I probably just smacked you (the reader – who as always, I appreciate) right in the face with blunt truth. I once wrote in a blog post a few years ago that I didn’t need a man, but I wanted one. Turns out, I was wrong about that. I actually need a man too. I’ve been denying it for some reason, but all I’ve really been doing for several years is searching for the man I’m supposed to be with. Perhaps the term “soul mate” could be used, if you like. Not sure what to call it, but yep, I’m not anything even close to a hero or an angel; I’m just a woman who needs a hero.

For now, I’m still on the “Team Love”, but I’m getting my ass kicked all over the place. No doubt about it. Maybe I’ve been doing my JOB (as in biblical character)? Mercy! Yipes.

I have no idea when I’ll blog next or how the blog will change, but for now, if you got a prayer or a “universal vibe” for me, I’m grateful for the thoughts. Or, if you’re a hero – S.O.S. (dot, dot, dot, dash – dash, dot, dot, dot) – WOMAN DOWN! WOMAN DOWN!

peace – mia – singingfromthecrease@gmail.com

Dr. Phil!?, Oprah!?, Hockey Gods!?, Guitar Gods!?, anyone, anyone – Bueler…Bueler…Beuler

I’m glad the NHL lockout is over for my hockey friends out there and I’m sure you’ll understand why that news isn’t what this post about. I’m sunk, so my happiness for the return of hockey is in limited supply right now.

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