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Archives – June 2007

Transformers – More Than Meets the Eye

Monday, June 25, 2007, 10:11:00 AM

…The amazing hope of some who’ve lost or never gained. Watch as they slowly have their energy drained. Now matter what the reach, let them teach. Long faces. Only traces…

I have to say that I thought I had a brilliant idea. I was in a hotel that had a large whirlpool bath in the room, so I filled it up with ice and cold water. Now here’s where I have to type out this disclaimer – DO NOT ATTEMPT WHAT I ATTEMPTED AND WILL DESCRIBE IN THE NEXT PARAGRAPH. IF YOU DO, YOU CANNOT SUE ME BECAUSE I’M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW, YOU’RE AN IDIOT IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT IT (except for the Jackass dudes – go right ahead).

I got myself stationed almost knee deep and decided to turn on the the water jets so as to create the effect of an “ice-filled, human-sized, theraputic massage tub (I know – you can already see a problem with my logic). I then spent about 30 seconds getting pelted at full force with square ice-cubes. You see, I turned on the jets and the ice was just at the perfect height to be spewed forward at alarming speeds. Many bounced off me, some bounced off furniture and the rest pelted the tub and bounced a couple times before hitting something. I’m glad I always have a first-aid kit with me where ever I go. I have a high pain tolerance, and I deserved what I got for being a complete idiot, so now I can scratch that idea off my list in future.

Comcast owns the television rights to the Washington Capitals NHL games. Comcast has decided that it’s a good idea to hold certain games hostage. If you watch the games on Leased Access or NC8 (and no, I do not mean CN8), you know which games I’m talking about. I figure while I’m facing off against Comcast for failing to provide it’s customers with their federal rights under the FCC and general apathy, I might as well stick my nose into the Washington Capitals NHL hockey broadcasts on Comcast Cablevision LLC. I may have to pester the Washington Capitals Organization a little as well, but it’s only because I love their hockey team. I may have Lyme disease, Percarditis, and all three types of Fibremyalgia, but I’m a tough customer and Comcast moved up to A #1 on my shit list.

I know I still have to address my thoughts on what Don Cherry said about NHL fighting during the playoffs this year. It’s 2:15 am and I should attempt sleep, so I’ll give you a brief preview. I think fighting is a necessary part of hockey and I would never wish to see it stop. However, there’s a certain code of ethics in regular human society that should be followed, even on the ice. Cheap shots happen and if illegal taps go unoticed, so be it, but if a second string goalie goes in and does not even play the damn game, but instead just starts slashing opposing team members with his goalie stick simply because he “wanted to send a message”, and all in front of a mainstream American audience, then perhaps we should start calling it the National Hockey Entertainment Federation?

I’ll be seeing a showing of the movie “Diner” and hearing some live music this Sunday, but I don’t want to attract a crowd so I can sit close enough to hear, but I’ll let you know how it went (yup, I’m selfish in this respect.) – love your music as much as you love your planet and vice versa – peace – mia

Now if I can only invent a theraputic massage ice-tub

Saturday, June 23, 2007, 8:18:00 AM

Recently, I’ve been staying in more hotels than normal and it’s been interesting seeing the differences between Brands. Plus, if you’re a Priority Club member or Hilton Honors member, the experience changes with each different hotel. I never really paid any attention to hotel specifics while on vacation or concert-hopping previous to this year, because all I really needed was a bed and, perhaps, a shower. These days, I need Wi-Fi, a pool, a desk, a microfridge and the absolute necessity – a coffee maker. These amenities aren’t just things I like, but things I need. I do all of my paperwork and administrative bullshit on the weekends, so my weekends are working weekends and therefore, the Wi-Fi (or a high-speed LAN or WLAN, if you prefer) is a must. The only exercise I can control and maintain that involves much less severe pain, instant swelling, stiffness, locked joints, severe neck, esophagus and chest pain than any other alternative that has been researched is water exercise. I suppose I could get fairly good results in a weightless chamber, but I’m only rich in my own mind, so I stick to the efficient and practical when it comes to my physical exercise.

Of course, if you read my last blog entry, you’d know that I have also been back in my Nike ice skates. I pretty much end up in more pain when I exit a rink, than when I enter, but I feel more confident and get more “ice-feel” back every time I find a rink and decide to skate. The positive outweighs the bruises and bumps. Plus, I always head protection and learning how to fall correctly is most of the battle. I need to maintain the muscle on my legs (barely any fat on my legs), so skating gives me much more than it takes away. However, skating has also made me a bit envious of one of the two NHL commercials that were run during the playoffs this year.

The commercial begins in the NJ Devils locker room and there’s this little, skinny fellow in swim truncks, who tries out the water in the gigantic, body-sized, ice-filled tub with his toes. He grabs his towel, shivers, and makes that “holy cow, that’s freezing cold – “BRRRRRRRRR” ” sound and accompanying facial expressions. Then quickly tries to exit the locker room, assumingly to get warm. As he attempts to exit, a towering, bulky NJ Devil is in his way and he bumps into the unidentified Devil. The hockey player just keeps on rolling as though nothing happened at all, but the poor little, red-headed fellow bonces off the NJ Devil and hits the floor in a heap. I am not entirely certain if that was a commercial for the NHL, but I know I LOVE THAT COMMERCIAL. IT MAKES ME LAUGH EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME I SEE IT!

I mention this commercial because it just tickles me in all the right ways, and because after the first time I saw that commercial, I have been working on my plan to have one of those gigantic, body-sized, ice-filled tubs at my house. I have one or two more weeks before I can be sure I have enough ice to last me a while (also good for natural disasters and other emergency situations), but I’m almost there! My entire body up to my neck, and sometimes the back of my head, could really use a dip in the ice. I learned all about hypohermia and other related ice/body issues in the NAVY and college, and I spent a bit of time in one of those tubs when I was on the Winter Outdoor Varsity Soccer Team at the McDonogh school, where I attended my Fresh/Soph high school years. My Sophomore year there were some, oh let’s just label them “political”, differences between the regular season (Fall) Varsity coach and me, so he tossed me from the team. I played goalie for the JV Co-Ed Water Polo team that season instead of soccer. It was because TED SKOKIS (I spelled his named phoenetically, but probably not correctly) didn’t let me play soccor in the Fall, that I took all of that anger and applied it directly to the Winter Varsity Soccer Team. The team could not play without a full-season goalie, so I volunteered. All I wanted to to do was play soccer and in the process, stuff it in Ted’s face. As it turned out, I was a natural born goalie and as my continuous shut-outs went to record-breaking levels, so did the amount of people trying to make me comfortable. The trainer devised a tub somewhat like the one in the NHL commercial. I literally had to play a wet, muddy, snowy, rainy, freezing cold, outdoor soccer game and then as soon afterward as he could possibly get his hands on me, the trainer would drag me off to the “ice’tub” room. Here’s the key to the “ice-tub” experience as far as I am concerned – if I’m not screaming/and or crying when I first get in there (the ice-tub) – it’s not cold enough.

The trainer had the right idea when he told Coach Roach (yes, the poor man’s last name is Roach and he is indeed a coach) to keep me as far away from heat on the bus when we travelled and have me sit with an open window with all of my wet game gear still on when the temperature went below about 40 degrees Farenheit. I never had a chance to increase my body temperature to normal before I was tossed in the “ice-tub”. I went through less shock that way. I have digressed a bit, so to bring back the significant meaning of the “ice-tub” as it pertains to me in present time, I’ll simply describe how my body feels about 75% of my day.

My feet, especially the soles and ankles, swell and get extremely hot. My knees swell and lock in position so that I cannot bend them no matter what I try. My chest swells and all the muscles that have anything to do with the chest stretch and ache to soreness. Generally speaking, the only two things I can really think about anymore are, “I need an ice-tub – STAT, and I need some theraputic massage involving some sort of deep tissue manipulation.” The ice-tub is close to reality and I am thoroughly excited to scream and cry my way into that sucker, believe you me (can someone tell me from where “believe you me” comes?)!

ICE TUBS ROCK! HOCKEY ROCKS! MUSIC ROCKS! THINKING ROCKS! VOTING ROCKS! LOVING ROCKS!

comcast  DOES NOT R O C K !            

I’ll have more time to dedicate to this blog and technology in general as I make my way through working weekends and now that I have a working laptop once again, I can upgrade to the premium blog package, finally get the archives here and eventually podcast (actually, it’ll be a little different from the “podcast” as it is commonly known today). I am behind in my organization of previous blogs, and the technology has changed since I began blogging in 2000. I am now in the position to play the ever-popular game of catch-up.

Did you know that if you are a natural United States citizen over 35 (maybe even at 35 – I cannot recall at the moment) you can run for President of the United States of America. There are some stipulations, but I’m prompting naturals over 35 to check-out the process of running for El Presidente! The more people not related to the latter members of the Bush family, the less chance we’ll have another genetically related Bush in the office. I’m a woman, I have health problems, and I have a stronger calling, so if I step-up, the odds of success are very, very slim. There are other naturals over 35 out there who could be successful if they try, so get to it! I’ll support you. – peace, mia

So Let’s Try “GARDASIL” This Time – eh?

Saturday, June 16, 2007, 3:05:00 PM

…do I help, do I hurt? With disaster do I flirt? No questions to ask that give the right answers? Find the words – they are magic dancers. Living with great Love, doesn’t usually blow up your skirt…

I spent a good bit time and massive amounts of frustration writing a spell-check program specifically designed to find, point out and fix many of my dyslexic related spelling errors. I know my problem areas and I understand what my brain does typically so I can usually check myself and fix the backwards and mixed-up writing, reading and hearing things that my brain wants to do, but I seem to have a lot more trouble with typing. I am not exactly sure why that is, but I decided to torture myself by writing a program (more power to the programmers out there, because that stuff makes me almost a psychopath)that catches my most common typing faux-pas, shows them to me (reinforcement can sometimes flip things the right way automatically after a while), and then fixes them. Well, in general it worked – but it also created the opporunity to add a certain amount of confusion and new problems arose. I tried my program for the first time on the last blog entry and the first thing that happened was a transformation of the word “GARDASIL”, which is the “vaccine” for abnormal cells that I was typing about, to “Gaurdasil”. My program was written such that it “thought” I had a problem with the word “Guard”, which I usually mess up because my brain just doesn’t “see” the difference between “Gaurd” and “Guard”. They look exactly the same to me.

I also spent so much time trying to make sure I didn’t put any “reverse/mix-up” glitches in my program that I over-compensated and actually reversed the right rules in a few cases. I guess that’s why I tested it. I won’t use the program again until it has been modified a bit. Over-compensation can be a bad habit sometimes.

For example, I broke my ass bone playing hockey last year. As a result, a tiny part of my brain took control and put the “I’m afraid of the ice” thought in the front of my head. For several months while, and after I “recovered” (I’ll get to that at some point in the near future – let me just preview with this thought “A broken ass bone is the gift that keeps on giving.”), I couldn’t put a foot on the ice without being striken by hyper-fear, as I like to call it. I could not get the imagry, rememberance of pain, and general terror out of my head any time I went near ice. I worked it out, slowly, by just going and watching people skate, then putting my skates on at home and imagining I was on ice and other things of the like. Finally, a little more than a month ago, at the spur of the moment, I passed by an ice rink and found out it was a public skate, so I put on my skates and headed for the ice. I am very thankful that no one there knew who I was, because I can only assume that if I had taped myself and watched it later, I would have probably peed my pants laughing. I had a hold of the wall as tightly as I could and for the first half trip around, I mostly had to concentrate on quelling the urge to panic and have an anxiety attack.

Eventually, I let go of the wall and my brain balanced out the fear. After numerous unsteady laps, I decided to push it and see how my stops and starts were doing. No sooner had I gotten comfortable, I lost my balance and the hyper-fear kicked right back in and took over. Automatically, I over-compensated and literally thrust myself forward as hard as I could (in order to do whatever was necessary to avoid landing on my back-side). Basically, if anyone was watching me, it probably came across as though I threw my own face directly into the ice at full force. After that, I had to retreat from the ice and find out if I broke my own nose or lost any teeth. Fortunately, my face took it pretty well and I have been skating at several ice rinks in the MD/DC/VA area since. I go to ice rinks where there is very slim chance that someone would know me at this point. When I get on the ice nowadays, it has to be quite amusing to watch and people I know would be thrilled to point that out and give me loads of shit (for fun, not harm). I’m not ready for that yet. When I can feel at home on ice again, I’ll be more than happy to take the crap. Until then, I’ll be that anonymous, awkward, burley woman smashing her own face into the ice at a rink near you.

A COMCAST (SUCKS) employee e-mailed me to find out what I had against COMCAST (SUCKS). I wrote an extensive e-mail to that employee, but to be brief here, I’ll put it in very plain and consice English – COMCAST (SUCKS) FUCKED WITH MY HOCKEY. In Mia World, FUCKING WITH MY HOCKEY is the fastest and easiest way to PISS ME OFF! I started working with this crap-ass company in February to take over my parents service at their address and move my NHL CENTRE ICE PACKAGE to that address. Since that time, I have spent a documeted 4, 322 minutes, 48 calls and two mailed Name Change forms trying to get that accomplished and still to this day, COMCAST (SUCKS) has yet to get it right. No single employee who spoke with me (that’s 45 people) could give me any clear or correct information. Most of them were confused and unwilling to even listen or assist me. I moved to the family house WITHOUT MY NHL CENTRE ICE PACKAGE and if had not been for VS., I probably would have sought out all the controlling members of COMCAST (SUCKS) and personally sat outside their houses during the times when I SHOULD HAVE BEEN WATCHING PLAYOFF HOCKEY ON MY FULLY-PAID NHL CENTRE ICE DIGITAL PACKAGE. I’m one of those fans that orders the CENTRE ICE PACKAGE on the very first day is becomes available.

My family has been buying into COMCAST (SUCKS) since day ONE and we have been loyal customers ever since. COMCAST (SUCKS) is no longer a monopoly and after being neglected, lied to, told untrue information, being cut-off from channels above 30 over and over again, given the brush-off, ignored, denied services I am guaranteed by FEDERAL LAW and MISSING VERY IMPORTANT PLAYOFF HOCKEY GAMES, because of COMCAST’S (SUCKS) inability to properly handle a company that has grown quickly. It would certainly be arrogant of me to think that I am the ONLY ONE IN UNIVERSE WHO HAS BEEN MISTREATED BY COMCAST (SUCKS). I may not have opted out of the Arbitration process COMCAST (SUCKS), so Class Action may be difficult, but your SEVERABILITY CLAUSE is going to bite you on the ass no matter what legal move you make. I love words and semantics, so even a high-priced experienced lawyer or entire team of them won’t be of use to use you COMCAST (SUCKS).

Also, it seems that every other option I have for television, EXCEPT for COMCAST (SUCKS), allows me to watch my NHL team, the Washington Capitals, on a regular channel that is listed properly on the menu guide, and NOT ON LEASED ACCESS TELEVISION THAT IS NOT LISTED PROPERLY ON THE MENU GUIDE like COMCAST (SUCKS).

Plain and simple there is no excuse for such shit to go on and unfortunately for COMCAST (SUCKS), they did the one thing that will move me to action faster than loose, runny bowels – COMCAST (SUCKS) FUCKED WITH MY HOCKEY.

Oh and I have to remind myself here to address Don Cherry’s comments about fighting and hockey on my blog next entry. I agree and disagree. He’s from Canada and I’m from a place where I HAD to watch the National Hockey League on Leased Access TV, so our perspective differ a bit.

I have to check-out now and get on with my day, but have some good music today and breathe three times in the dark – peace – mia

LOVE YOUR FEET

Saturday, June 02, 2007, 2:06:00 PM

In 1975 someone discovered a disease caused by the bite of a Deer Tick. Deer Ticks can be found in the Northeastern portion of the United States from Massachusetts to Maryland. There were so many people infected in Lyme, Connecticut when the disease was discovered that the disease was named Lyme after the place that offered up the most infected people. In 1999, I found a Deer Tick on my ass after a visit to Assateague Island National Seashore for research. I removed the tick’s body as best I could without squishing the contents of the tick back into me and had the head extracted by a nurse. I took the antibiotics as prescribed and forgot all about it. In 2000, I started having a series of unexplained weight gain and loss, kidney stones, joint problems, shin splints, nausea and other annoying things and all were attributed to the experimental treatment I was undergoing to reverse cancerous growth in the cervix. This treatment has been refined, exacted and made much more quick and easy to tolerate, It is now available to females in the United States as an option to DRASTICALLY REDUCE THE CHANCE OF CERVICAL CANCER FROM EVEN GROWING IN THE FIRST PLACE. THIS TREATMENT IS KNOWN AS GAURDISIL. (Ladies, and those who like ladies, the next paragraph is for you.) In 2001 I had the initial Lyme test and it came back negetive for Lyme. I was told there was very little chance of a false negetive, and I was then told that I did not have Lyme disease. Thus, the tests on my Thyroid began. In 2005, my health and bodily functions started doing some really whacky things and the following year, I gained 70 lbs. in three months and I started getting awful bouts of swelling in joints, especially in my knees and feet. In 2007, I got tired of doctors feeding me haphazard educated guesses and offering me no relief at all, so I found the answer myself and demanded another blood test for Lyme, even though the initial test in 2001 was negetive, and found out that I have a good-old fashioned case of full-blown Lyme Disease and I’ve been in the bad stage for almost two years. Such a small little creature can cause trouble for a person so many years later – makes one think, doesn’t it? Well, it makes me think anyway.

Now, this one is for all the Ladies and Lady Lovers (Barenaked or otherwise) – I will take it personally if you have the chance to get Gaurdisil and you do not. I had to show my vaginal/croch goodies to every flippin’ med. student and passer-by in a busy hospital for months and months. I had no other way to pay for the treatment for my cervical cancer, so I participated in an experimental trial to irradicate cancerous growth specifically in the cervical tissue. This was done by inserting a needle directly into my peesch (as Kathy Griffin would say) and applying the treatment directly into the cancerous tissue. If you are one who has had PAP Test, then you have only a minor fraction of an idea of what goes on when someone, and many observers, stand around staring at and talking about your female biology, while pulling your junk open and sticky your insides with a needle filled with stuff that caused site-injection burning, inflammation and could possibly end up killing me. I didn’t have all the typical chemo and radiation symptoms, but I had a whole host of other various side effects that nearly killed me. If, after reading this paragraph, you think that I didn’t take one for the team (Ladies), then just do me a favor and find out about Gaurdisil. That means that if you are one who has a vagina and you have had sex, have started mensturating OR, are over 13, you will need to find a GYN, get an exam and a PAP test. Bring a friend, bring your mother, sister, brother, friend, take a valium, have someone knock you out – DO WHAT IS NECESSARY TO GET CHECKED OUT! HELL, E-MAIL ME – IF I’M CLOSE ENOUGH – I’LL GO WITH YOU!

I’m out of time for the moment, so I’ll end with – I’m going with the DUCKS for the Stanley Cup (HOCKEY RULES), I took on KIA MOTORS (SUCK!), so I’m NOT AFRAID OF YOU COMCAST!!! COMCAST IS A #1 ON MY SHITLIST AND I HAVE TIME AND RESOURCES FOR A FIGHT – THE GLOVES ARE OFF COMCAST! To the people who have some control over the fact that I HAVE TO WATCH NHL HOCKEY ON LEASED MOTHER FUCKING ACCESS TV?! I KNOW COMCAST HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THAT AS WELL. (Please find a way for Washington Capital fans east of Catonsville (and a few other areas) to watch that damn game on something other that Leased Acess, which I am grateful for, by-the-way).

Sing it OUT LOUD so the back of the room can hear – peace.

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