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I sing Happy Birthday to Jesus on December 25th. I get all pissy and cranky when someone tries to break into my prayer closet. It gets ugly - hockey fights soothe me. I find thunder and lightning comforting. The last man who punched me in the face stopped reproducing - FOREVER.


I Don’t Think You’re A Bandwagon NHL Fan: Ice Hockey Basics

August 20, 2014


Greetings. As a life long ice hockey fan (concentrating on the (N)ational (H)ockey (League)), I’ve heard and been involved in conversations about the concept of the “Bandwagon fan.” Sometimes they are viewed as “casual” fans or not “true” fans. well, if you’ve ever been called a “bandwagon” fan or someone has told you that you aren’t a “true” fan, well, I’m you’re friend and there’s good news. Why? Because at one point in my life I was sitting at a hockey game and I didn’t know all the terminology or know the names of the players or understand what “five hole” meant. We’ve all been there. So, for those who perhaps are preparing to go out on a first date with someone you know is a hockey fan and you want to get a bit of primer I’ll happily help you out with that. Perhaps some of you won ice hockey tickets and you’d like to get a few of the basis down ahead of time so you understand a little bit about what you’ll be watching. Maybe you’re a group leader who’s going to be accompanying a group who’ve received the opportunity to see a hockey game for the first time and you were surfing the internet to find a resource that could that’s easy to follow to get your group ready for the outing. Whatever the case may be, here are some nuggets of internet goodness that may be useful.

The NHL has 30 teams. The team I support all the time is the Tampa Bay Lightning. Go Bolts! During the regular season (October through April), the teams play 60 minutes. Those 60 minute are divided into thirds known as periods. The beginning face-off (game beginning drop of the hockey puck or opening face-off) starts at the center ice (middle circle. Each team starts every game with six men (or players) on the ice. Five of the players are “skaters” and one is the goalie (netminder, creasekeeper). The skaters are comprised of two defensemen and three forwards. Two of the forwards are “wings” (wingers, wingmen) and the one in the middle the “center“.

When you are at the game (or even watching it TV or internet), you may feel like you’re having trouble keeping track of the puck. No worries. You’re not the only one. The game moves very quickly and it’s nothing to worry about. It may help to simply watch the movement the players as team units before you try keeping track of the puck. Each team has home colors which are usually solid. The Lighting are the blue team when they play in Tampa Bay, FL. (home) and they’re white when playing elsewhere (away from home). So, if you follow the movement of the “blue” team, you’re eyes will be tracking the game. During the course of the game while following the movement of the team, you’re eyes will “see” the puck, even if you’re not aware of it. Eventually, you’ll start becoming more aware of where the puck is at the same time you’re watching a team play. As a new fan or when not in the habit of watching NHL games all the time, don’t feel as though you even should be focusing on the puck as much as watching the teams move on the ice. This will help a bit later on in being aware of the puck, but also what each individual player is doing on the ice. Of course, some may watch the game a little differently at first, but I’ve been to games with quite a few who haven’t been to a game before and it seems to be something those individuals noticed and mentioned to me during the course of each game, so it’s perfectly fine if you feel like the puck is “hard to see”.

There are four “officials”, two are “linemen” and two are “referees”. Together, they call “penalties” and make sure the players stick to guidelines of play. There are different types of penalties. Most of the penalties called during most games are known as “minor penalties”. Those types of penalties are things like “tripping”. The player who gets a penalty called on him (also applies to the team as a whole) gets sent to the “penalty box” and isn’t allowed to play for two minutes (five minutes for a “major” penalty like “fighting”). That player’s team is then on what’s called a “penalty kill” (man down, 5 on 4) which means the other team is then on a “Power Play” (man advantage, 5 on 4). There are many different types of penalties, but generally, during any particular game it’s the 2-minute penalties (minor) that get called.

It takes a little time to understand why the puck is dropped at certain face-offs at certain times during a period, so in sticking to basics, just know the terms “offensive zone”, “defensive zone” and “neutral zone”. When the Lightning are in their “defensive zone”, they are playing on the portion of ice directly in from the Lightning goalie. For the other team though, that portion of ice is the “offensive zone”. For both teams, no matter what, the middle portion if the ice known as the “neutral zone”. You may not remember all of this when you go to a game or while watching at first, but some of it may come to mind during the game. For those who really do become interested in becoming whatever kind of hockey fan you become, you can always re-read this and as you become more familiar with game play, penalties, a team or teams and perhaps the NHL in general, this blog post might be useful as a general framework or guidepost to explore ice hockey in greater depth. I encourage anyone who does read this before going to a hockey game or viewing one on TV or the internet) to re-read this post afterward and perhaps you’ll find that a few “details” of the game you thought you didn’t understand while you were watching, you actually did. That should make you’re next ice hockey viewing experience a bit less “beginner” and bit more, “Hey, this ice hockey stuff isn’t so bad” and “I’m not a bandwagon fan, I’m just beginning my exploration.”

For those who may have heard a few things about the NHL and men’s professional hockey or seen a few highlight’s on mainstream media, or even seen a few games here and there and are thinking things like “ice hockey is too violent”, or if you wonder why there “appears” to be a lot “fighting “, I can say that there is far more good game play and than there isn’t and there are many wonderful, awesome little moments than there are anything else. Perhaps, even those of us who have been hockey fans our whole lives can refresh our fandom a little and not look at the “little hockey players” who play during intermissions as the “same old, boring thing and wish that there was some other form of “entertainment” on ice during that time. Instead, keep in mind that is the future of ice hockey you’re watching. That’s the future doctor who might one day save your life. That’s someone who’ll become a caring wife, brother, friend. That little ice hockey player is experiencing a moment that doesn’t happen very often and his/her grandma is there. That moment might be the last time that grandma gets before leaving this Earth to see the happy, smiling, joy-filled face if her grandchild. I certainly have not ever missed out on the opportunity to sit and share that moment with the future, to share it, to get a lighthearted little laugh when they’re little faces light all up because they caught sight of the puck in front of, what is to them, a huge crowd and go after it with all their beautiful little hearts so that they can be the one the team who scored the goal. And, yes, of course, joyfully shared in so many moments when that little goalie sees that player coming and leaves the ice knowing that he/she just made the save!

Young or old, the men of hockey are aware that perhaps the “staged” fighting isn’t needed. They know the game may “seem” a bit violent at first. There is much good work being done in that regard. Keep in mind however, that just as they will protect themselves on ice they will also protect their team on ice. Off-ice, which in life is where it counts and doesn’t get all the press and highlights in mainstream media (let’s change that shall we), they will lend a helping hand to each other no matter on what team that person plays or no matter if a person is football and doesn’t “get” hockey – YET. I too would help a fan of another team, even if your team just just creamed my team 8-1, because you’re a human and I share this world with you and I care that you live to have children, be grandparents, be that “stranger” who volunteered to be a sober driver, who may have made me laugh at a hockey game or just out and about in the course regular every day happenings just when I needed it. I’m not the only one who does and that my friends I thank God for every single day.

Whether you are a Hockey fan or not, appreciate the same music as me or not, live in my country or not, there is love and I don’t think you’re an oddball. There is kindness. There is hope. There is compassion. There is a future. There is light. There is caring. There is sharing. This always a way.

A person is never to old to become a hockey fan. A person is never too old to get another chance to be loved. A goalie may get scored on here and there and a shooter may miss a shot. A relationship of any kind may seem as though it has been tested to the point of breaking, but God loves you, I love you, people you know right now love, people you haven’t even met yet love you and I know, despite “appearances” to me, right now, you love me too.

Share the love. Share the joy. Share the music. Share the hockey.

ROCK ON! Goalies, guardians, as usual, mind those nets and should, some of us have we retire, may we also share those moments with the “little goalies” who grow-up and become what we were, just a little better.

Peace to all – mia – if you’ve ever been THAT person who “pushed” on the door that had a sing that clearly read “pull” and did it more that once and wondered in your head why “the door is locked” when you “knew” it shouldn’t be, then you weren’t the only and perhaps it was meant to happen to that, because the person who saw you do it REALLY, REALLY, needed a laugh. It truly does all happen for a reason.

Luv ya universe. Yup, ya got the wrong one and nope, I wouldn’t even be nominated for a “who’s the weirdest of them all” award. I didn’t enter the contest, so that previous sentence makes a good bit of sense doesn’t it.🙂 Laughter all around!! I’m enjoying “Suits”. Thank you. Oh and Lightning faithful, am I the only one who wonders if Gudas shaves that beard every morning and by game time it just, to him, “hockey o’clock” shadow”? Maybe that’s where he keeps his wallet and keys when he’s wearing an outfit with no pockets? Huh – one of those “mysteries” I suppose.  Yeah, yeah – I know clan goalie – I need to get the links to the right updated, because many of you have websites and you’re revered members of clan goalie too. Well, I am only one person and it’s not like you guys are perfect either – even if that’s what you’re 5th grade teacher told you. (goalies might be a bunch of divas – but this one – yes me -I went all “Wah, wah, wah – I want world peace diva about it” I am who I am man!)

Nothing Better Than a Glowing, Growing Love

August 11, 2014


Even if the lights go out, we’d glow through the darkness.

Even if the words got in the way, we wouldn’t need a word to say.

I know you know, because you see what I see.

Sometimes I’m not sure if it’s you or if it’s me.

We’re crashing into each other and that’s the way it’s meant to be.

Getting closer. Ever closer. There’s a kiss being kept only for you.

I’m keeping it safe here with me, so it can be shared between we two.

Are you coming to me? Or should I meet you somewhere?

I’d drive all night to get to you. Wouldn’t want time to run out, so I’m there.

True love cannot be stopped.

Peace, love and light to you – mia



I saw you happy with me and that made me smile.

Luv Ya


Oh The Things I Can Do To Help One Mr. John Clayton Mayer

August 9, 2014


There’s a spiritual realm. It truly does exist. Heaven exists as well. Having written that, all I can say is that John Mayer, yes the one who plays guitar, YOU ARE ALL OVER MY SPIRITUAL REALM. Pretty sure I took quite a few spiritual hits that directly relate to Mr. Mayer. I know what you need John. I know what you want. I know you still have faith. I also know that “heaven never hurt no one.” isn’t entirely the truth. We should meet person to person. I’ve already gotten angels involved, so it’ll happen sooner rather than later.

You’ve been hurt in your life John. More than you know, no matter how enlightened you may believe you are. You do carry a load, perhaps you can’t see it or feel it, but it’s there and it affected me. Your spiritual got all tangled up in mine somehow. Regardless, if any of your fans, friends, or maybe those who don’t like you so much see this – show him this blog post and ask him to e-mail me

There were some very, very, very “interesting” things I pulled out of your music John. When you stated in your 2012 Rolling Stone article that you were looking for your soulmate. I understood. Then I listed to all your CD’s a few times.  Since that time, I’ve been in “firefight” that had everything to do with you. The result turned out to be that a pregnant woman (yup, that’d be me) got used for a shield in a Spiritual war, so I expect Mr. John Mayer’s going to either contact me of his own free will OR something from the spirit realm is going to be upon him, get him in the now and keep him there long enough to “guide” right to my apartment in Maryland. I been in that war since I popped out the womb in 1972, so as one can imagine – I’ll be getting the straight, whole truth about that situation. I gotta go all “other wordly” on some asses and wear Jesus like a garment in order to make that happen – that really should not surprise anyone who knows me. If it does surprise you, then you didn’t really know me at all did you.

It’s going to happen, so might as well be sooner rather than later.

My faith and my love is strong John (it runs in the family, so I come by it honestly) – I believe you need to experience that with your own two eyes in person.

Besides, I know you want a son, perhaps you’ll even name him Hendrix, so maybe your friends and fans who love you will do you a kindness and make absolutely sure you see this blog post.

Peace – mia

(or call 410-980-1173) You can also just show up at my apartment anytime, day or night – ask God for my address. You know he has it.

True love never dies.

The heart of life is good.

So too is the heart of love.

As is the same with the heart of life.

We’re not entirely strangers.

A perfect rhyme for “heavier things” given context of your writing could be “mightier wings” “or “sturdier strings”.

I like humming – it helps builds bridges. You should try it sometime.

ps-the mechanisms in your head were NOT working correctly – yipes!

The power of love is so strong – members of the other team are starting to defect and they’re singing like little canaries.

Oh, he knows what this is all about it – he knows.





Finally – Progress (And A Few Little Things Can Make All The Difference)

April 27, 2014


Hi there person who reads. It is NHL playoff season, so you can expect any posts appearing here at this time of year will have some sort of ice hockey content. The good news for me and a particular NHL team is that I’m now medically cleared to travel. For me, that’s a very good thing. As for where I’ll be two months from now; that’s still an unknown, but not for much longer. Let’s see, will it be Detroit? Perhaps maybe Phoenix? It could be Denver. It’s still possible I could go Tampa Bay. My decision could be swayed by a little bit of hockey love coming from certain locations. Who wants a hockey fan?

I’m retired from my previous, I suppose it could be described as a “vocation”. Obviously, I can’t (won’t) retire from being an ice hockey fan. Also I can’t (won’t) retire from being the musical sort either. Retiring from life doesn’t fly in my airspace, so what’s next? I’ll know very soon.

As for the NHL playoffs, I’ll admit it took me a few days to get over Carey Price (Montreal’s goalie). Oh, he’s a good goalie. I’m sure some of the Montreal Habs faithful are glad they didn’t run Price out of town a few years ago. It was my team, so the kind of antics coming from the Montreal net defender weren’t making me happy in one way. Of course, now that we know who the Habs play in round 2 (Boston Bruins), I’ll be far more likely to have a good-old “goalie snicker” if suddenly Lucic has a little trouble standing up on two skates during a TV timeout. Clearly, Mr. Price plays to win. I’m over it now. It’s hockey and I love it.

As for the Tampa Bay Lightning, well, it was pretty darn amazing that they made the playoffs in the first place and it just so happened that they had to play the ONLY Canadian team in the playoffs in the first round. It wasn’t just Montreal fans supporting the Canadiens, it was ALL of Canada. The coverage was Canada biased. Yeah, you can deny it all you want Canada, but I know better. The Bolts had an injured starting goalie, several brand-spankin’ new rookies and the face of the team changed this last season, so as a fan, I’m proud that they went out playing Lightning hockey and they went down fighting. I don’t want to press on any Bolts bruises, so to speak, right now, so I’ll simply state that the Habs had the edge and Lightning hockey is far more stable than it was even two seasons ago, so all is well as far as I’m concerned.

As for the “little things”, well, here’s a moment from the first round of the playoffs I think I’ll always treasure: I imagined Zedeno Chara giggling like a little school girl when this happened.

I admit it, I’m home in the mornings and yes, I’ve been watching Supernatural. Can you blame me? Jensen Ackles – uh, yummy. The writing is pretty good actually and Jensen’s delivery is right spot on every single time. He’s good at what he does. There are some “little things” that when delivered by Ackles are just humorously priceless to me. I know how to hold onto to what I got and even a teeny-tiny smattering of laughter a day is enough. It often times has had to be and if I have to make it last, I make it last.

For example: “I love posse. Gonna make a t-shirt out of that.” Dean Winchester, and then Sam’s reply “are you done?” – equally priceless.

“What? I’m nesting.” Dean Winchester, Supernatural. Don’t even get me started on the scene where Castiel discovers porn and the ensuing comments from the Winchester brothers. All very well done as far as I’m concerned. I have needed a laugh here and there over the last year or so like nobodies business, so thanks much for those little fun treasures all of you who have anything to do with Supernatural. (Especially you Ackles – you can lip-synch “Eye of the Tiger” at my house any time you like – I mean anytime)😉

Watch the show if you want to understand the fun of it all. It’s got many fun tidbits to discover. (Dean “communing” with the dog which makes him a bit more canine than usual is worth a watch I tell ya!”

Also, the number of nicknames I have for Henrik Lundqvist, New York Rangers goalie has increased again this season. Here’s one I’ll share for fun: “The Metrosexual Swede Singularly Responsible for the Mani/Pedi Wing at Madison Square Garden.”

Here’s to laughter, love, back-getting, guitars and smart goalies I can appreciate even if you gave my team a hard time.

I’m still having a little trouble with links and I live (not for much longer) where internet isn’t always available, so social media isn’t my prime mode of communicating these days. And yes, those are indeed my digits on the home page. No kidding.

Peace – mia – – have I mentioned “out loud” that I’m really tired of being single? Yes, I have, you just read it. Luv ya.

Tampa Bay Lightning – Game 4 – Let’s Do This Boys!

April 22, 2014


Oh how very interesting the Bolts (Tampa Bay) – Habs (Montreal) NHL playoff round 1 series has become. First, I still believe in the Lightning. Second, his name is Anders Lindback. No, he’s not Ben Bishop. He’s not Ryan Miller either. He’s an NHL goalie. He stood in front of his net in Montreal in game 3 to do his one and only job, stop the puck. He faced the challenge of keeping a crease for a team that was down 2 games in an arena that is always filled to the brim with loud, hockey-lovin’ Canadians. He took the initial hit of being scored on within 11 seconds of the opening face-off in said game and said arena, and then shook it off like a professional and helped shut-down a FOUR minute Montreal power play immediately afterward. So, for those who continue to mention on air, on your blogs, in your tweets, in your living rooms, and where ever else you opine about the NHL and particularly the Lightning and goaltending, in some cases with a rather matter-of-fact tone (as though you even have the chops to be a goalie), here’s a bit of news of for you:  Anders Lindback doesn’t care what you have to say. Ben Bishop is injured. That’s the story. That’s the only story. Move on. Get over it. The Lightning have TWO goalies don’t they. Exactly how is it anyone’s “expert” opinion that the Bolts would have at least one series win if Bishop were in the net? It’s not “expert”; it’s hot air expelling words from the bodies of those who can’t seem to understand reality as it actually happens in real life, in real time. Perhaps the “experts” out there would like to share with the rest of us your “secret” technological mojo that you apparently must be in possession of because you were able to go back in time and actually be present, in the building to see the alternate Bolts-Habs series in which Ben Bishop was manning the crease. Until such time as you can share that with the rest of us – SHUT YOUR YAPS. (yes – I am very clearly typing this for public consumption). 


As long as I wake-up in the morning, which is always a good thing no matter what the day brings, I’m going to do point out the obvious when it comes to ice hockey. My team has two quality goalies and when one is injured, the other was ready. That’s not something several other NHL teams still playing can say with confidence is it? Go Bolts! Go Lindy.

Hi Montreal. I protect my team. Bare that in mind. Somehow, I just get the feeling Game 4 will be a little different. I may not yet be a recognized member of the “old-boys” club fella’s , but when it comes to a certain something a hockey lifer who had to fight just TO BE A HOCKEY FAN “picks-up on”, oh let’s just call it an “intangible” or “unseen factor”, well, she isn’t exactly powerless. I protect my team. It’s just that simple. The officials are neutral and impartial now, and for every right good reason, including the love of game and implications extending through the course of an actual human lifetime form beginning to end, it best it stay that way isn’t it “gentlemen”?

I’ve only just begun.

Tampa Bay Lightning are getting better every game. What’s the matter Montreal, getting a little worried about that? Let’s be sure Carey Price’s skates are sharpened correctly before the game and in between periods. The Habs equipment staff must be slacking a bit. Can’t win on skill and teamwork like mere mortal men of hockey Montreal? Oh well, I’m on to you and I know with no doubt you know exactly what I mean. That sort of thing comes back to you later, so perhaps you’d like consider that this morning. It’s a hockey love thing and maybe I don’t want to hurt yourselves that way.

Yeah, so I’m a little goalie weird. It’s quite normal actually, but it’s not for everyone.

Peace and GOOD hockey love – mia –

Oh, you’ll hire me alright. As a matter of fact, you’re thinking about doing it right now.



Do I Have To Fly To Montreal Now Bolts Nation!?

April 18, 2014


Hi there Bolts Nation. I’ve been bringing the THUNDER so loud from my living room couch in Maryland that I just might get an eviction notice tomorrow morning. Do you think I’m kidding? I’ve got those “singy” lungs and I think three streets down they know I’m Thundering for the Bolts. When your team is down, that IS NOT the time to be quiet. No, that’s the time to get your LOUD ON! Don’t wait for your team to score a goal, move those mouths, get your hind parts out of your seats and help ’em out by THUNDERING like YOU MEAN IT.

Technically, I’m not supposed to travel (health reasons), but at this point, I know there are seats available for the next two games in Montreal. Screw it. I couldn’t give a dirty puck if I get evicted for thundering in my living room or how crappy I feel or if flying on a plane is bad for my health. LIGHTNING NEEDS THUNDER.

Yes, I’d much rather be seeing Ryan Malone on ice right now. I think the Bolts would be fairing a little better if he were, but that’s not the reality so, let’s all just do that whole “ain’t no quittin’ in hockey” now and tell the Habs they ain’t getting anything in this playoff season easy.

As for the Bolts, well, I’m taking a wild stab at it here and will simply guess that Coach Cooper and likely a few others will likely have some choice wisdom to impart in the lightning locker room. I’ll just let that be what it’s going to be.

Don’t anybody be giving Lindback (Goalie who stepped up when stepping up was required) a hard time – we who are of clan goalie can sense that sort of thing from many, many, many miles away.

Yup, I might as well just Thunder in enemy territory. I mean if the Caps fans want to send me death threats (true story and one of them will do jail time soon), then why not just throw a few Habs fans in the mix while I’m at it. (Yeah, I’m the respectful sort, so don’t worry Montreal, I don’t believe in bringing attitude – all I believe in is bringing some Thunder for my Boys – plus, I’ll get to see “Stinky Chees” Briere play – that’ll be good too – although I may taunt Price a little – but you all expect that sort of thing up there.)😉

As for whatever else is going on with me – you don’t want to know – might not even care really – and WHO CARES – It’s the playoffs and I woke up breathing and opened my eyes this morning!!!

GO BOLTS! ALLER BOLTS!! YOU HAVE AT LEAST TWO MORE GAMES, SO DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT GIVING EVEN A SINGLE INCH – MAKE ‘EM WORK FOR IT! Hey Gudas, I’ll drive to Tampa Bay and clean your house or wash your car or something if you stay out the “Downie Suite” a.k.a. the penalty box for the rest of the playoffs. Seriously – I don’t joke during when it comes to the playoffs – it’s against the hockey code ya know?

Peace + good music to all of you – (yeah, I’m more than pretty sure I’m about to get evicted – OH GOOD – welcome to Friday night as a certain ice hockey coach might understand – that sounds about right).

Goalies Rule (except you Price – we’ll just see how cooperative your posts and crossbar are on home ice mwahahahaha). Aaaah, I love hockey. Always will. Born this way. Can’t help it. Don’t want to either.

The Bolsheviks Were All I Had

December 1, 2013


In February of this year, I was the last family member left standing with regard to being in charge of all the many things left in the family house (now the former family house). There were, and this is a low estimate, 200, 000 photos alone. I’m sure that number is higher, but photos were just a small portion of the things I had to sort through with regard to my family history.

In going through some of these things, I had the chance to remember a lot of things having to do with growing up in that house and at the same time thinking about how to approach writing a book about my life. A lot of people I’ve known have encouraged me to write a book about my life, so this was a good time to think about the best way to get, at the very least, a good outline and framework to accomplish that goal.

I’ll happily share a family anecdote on my blog. There are so many family anecdotes, it would be unlikely I could get even 1/18th of them in a single book, so here’s one I’ll post here.

There was a time, when I was about 6 or 7 I think, that my father seemed to have some major unresolved issues with the Bolsheviks. Now, it’s important to bear in mind that not only was my father an alcoholic, but he was also diabetic. He wasn’t the friendly, “I love you man” sort of drunk either. Add in the fact that many diabetics who don’t have good control of their sugar balance, have chemical situations that can make them volatile and angry. My dad was also a full-blown sugar addict. He displayed addiction behaviors just like any of the other addictive behaviors other people tend to display in relation to drugs and alcohol. Sometimes, one of the family would have to check the extra tire well of his car to make sure he wasn’t taking a stash of candy bars to work. One of us would have to wake up in the middle in the night if we heard someone else up and moving around to make sure Dad wasn’t hiding in the bathroom with the sugar bowl eating spoonfuls of sugar.

For any who may not be familiar with alcoholics, diabetics and specifically both, well in my house, everyone was vigilant, all the time and at any time, for any reason, a perfectly fine evening, could instantly become an “every man, woman and child for themselves”, “duck and over”, “save yourself” outright struggle that might possibly result in one of us not making to the next. I’m not over-stating the situation. By the time I was 8, I knew that anything in that house could be used as a weapon, but also could be used as a defense mechanism as well.

Needless to say, if someone sneezed too loudly around my Dad (that happened with my mother too, but this about my father right now), that was plenty enough reason for my dad to start an all-out, no-hold-barred, rant about the Bolsheviks that could possibly result in one of the rest of the family being thrown through a closet door. I was the smallest for a time, so to him, I was easy pickin’s. My mother got a wine glass thrown at her that hit her right in the head once on a “Bolshevik” tirade. My brother, Chris, got pushed out of his dinner chair and hit his head on the corner of the china cabinet. Put simply, no one was safe when Dad decided to unleash his feelings about the Bolsheviks in my house.

I can safely say he dished out his anger about the Bolsheviks for at least two years. He must have gotten all that anger out and finally gotten past all that though, because eventually, he stopped going on angry tirades about the Bolsheviks. He had plenty of other major issues with all sorts of other things, people and types in the world, so no worries, he certainly had a plethora of anger to pull from. He moved on from the Bolsheviks though.

My family did have a certain knack for finding the humor in certain things. Even if those were getting hit in the head or thrown through a door. We all could do that. We, as a family, eventually could make light of certain things and make little family private jokes about them…eventually. I’m not sure who the first one in my family to do this was, but one of us, a short time after we all realized that Dad was finished being upset about the Bolsheviks, someone used the phrase, “It must have been the Bolsheviks” to explain something that appeared at first to be a bit of a “mystery.”

I’ll give you an example. Objects in my house often got broken. There were always the obvious “breaking of things”, like someone threw something, hence the breaking of the thing that was thrown. Sometimes, however there would be a broken object that didn’t have an obvious, seen, reason for being broken on the floor. Mind you, we always had family cats, and it wasn’t uncommon in my house for one of the others (at that time, I was too young for it to be me), to have been on some substance, alcohol or drugs, and “accidentally” broken something and truly have no recollection of actually doing it. Of course, there was also the possibility that one of the humans, as in “non-cat”, did break something, knew that he/she did it, but didn’t want to confess. Confessing to things in my house translated to only one thing; a severe beating with an object that could dent your head if the recipient of the beating didn’t do whatever was necessary to protect his or head. As you can imagine, there was always reluctance to admit to breaking something, even if it was an accident. The reason why was not a factor in the matter when it came to that sort of thing.

So, in situations where there wasn’t a clear answer to why something was found broken, and the cats surely weren’t talking, there’d be a bit of a loud and unpleasant inquisition, that often involved the threat of physical violence. Sometimes, however, one of us would put an end to that and get the entire past the “mystery of the broken object”, but saying, “It must have been the Bolsheviks,” which, to us, was a little funny and helped us ease the situation sometimes. Once someone had the “stones” to actually just say, “It must of been the Bolsheviks”, none of us could do anything but start having a little of a laugh. My dad knew it was at his expense, but by that time, he was over the Bolshevik thing, so he took it with a sense of humor too. Sometimes, he’d be the one to say it and we’d all just leave the “mystery” a mystery and the state of the house would deescalate to normal, go about your business, “we’ll all live to see tomorrow” levels.

It became a fun, family, inside joke actually. When any of us were around other people or if we had company at the house, any one of us wouldn’t have a problem just chalking certain things that other people may have seen a “mystery” or had some discussion about in search of some, face value, immediate explanation for, we’d happily just say “It must have been the Bolsheviks” and just consider that the reason.

For example, my brother was playing recreation baseball at the time and when we as a family were out watching his team play another league team, one of the parents of a player on my brother’s team said the following to my dad, “I wonder why we have a such a hard time playing this (the other team that kept beating my brother’s team) team?” Well, my mother and I certainly had a nice family laugh together when my father looked that parent right in the eye and straight-faced told him exactly why that team kept getting the best of my brother’s baseball team. Yes, indeed, the answer my dad provided was, “It’s because of the Bolsheviks”. That explanation became our family way of explaining things that didn’t seem to have a clear, answer to and it was our thing.

It was out family “thing” until I put an end to all of that. Yes, it was me who ended that particular family “thing”. I was last family member, as far as I know, to use the term “Bolshevik”. Here’s how that happened. I was probably 10 or 11 and decided to sneak out after dark to meet some of friends to play “Dungeons and Dragons”. Yes, nerdy as it may be, I will say it was a few years later when “Dungeons and Dragons” friend time also was the time when I became familiar with the fact that it only took 2 moderate swigs of straight grain alcohol to put me down for the night, if you catch my drift. “Dungeons and Dragons” taught me not mess around with grain alcohol. Anyway, as to the last night “Bolshevik” was spoken by a member of my family, I was returning home after sneaking out and attempting to put my 10-speed bike up against the garage door at the back of the house so I could quietly slip into the house through the back, basement door.

My bike and I made it about 10 feet from the garage door, when on came the basement light and there in the newly lit darkness were the silhouettes of BOTH parents. Had it been just one parent standing there, I might have thought I had a chance to at least have the punishment happen the following day, after school, or even get a pass. That would happen every now and again. The fact that both parents were present meant that I was about to have a really, really bad night. That’s when I saw the wooden spoon in my mother’s hand. That meant that I wasn’t even going to make it in the house before I started having that really, really, bad and painful night. So, what did I do?

Instinct kicked in and at that point I was not thinking in anyway. My autonomic response systems kicked in and the threat to my physical being was enough for my automatic defense systems to take total control of my and those innate systems chose – flight. I let go of the bike, turn tail and took off toward the line of bushes that marked the line between our family property and the neighbor’s property. As I was about mid-air in a head first dive into said bushes and as the sound of the bike I left behind crashing to the ground reached its conclusion, I said clearly and loudly, “The Bolsheviks made me do it.”

I then rolled out of the bushes on the other side, frantically removed the shoelace that got caught in the bushes and took off down the hill, through a few back yards to the woods that were about 1/4 mile away. I didn’t look back. I didn’t stop even after I ran my foot into some sort of unseen hard object in one of the back yards through which I ran that hurtled me to the ground and resulted in some of my skin being removed from my elbow. Once I found a good place to “hide” in the woods, I did realize I was just putting of the inevitable, but at the same time, I hope with all my my might that perhaps the fact that I brought the “Bolsheviks” into would lessen the punishment I was going to receive. It didn’t.

I stayed in the woods for several hours and then got tired, so I went back to the house and just knocked on the front door to be let in to take my punishment as it was meant to happen. My parents did not find the “Bolshevik” comment humorous in the slightest and that was the end of the family “fun” blaming the Bolsheviks for unexplained events. I pulled the “Bolshevik card” in the incorrect situation, but frankly, today, thinking back at it, it’s still pretty darn funny.

Yes Bolsheviks, I know it was not the right thing to do to blame you for something I did, but at that moment, you were all I had. You were all I had.

Good times.

peace – mia – How they hanging out there world? Mine aren’t hanging at all. They’re just as nice and firm and perky as they were when I was 22. No really. ;-D luv ya

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